


La Petite Mort

by Thenerdintheattic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Basically PWP, Bittersweet Ending, Bottom Reiner Braun, Hand Job, M/M, POV Reiner Braun, Public Sex, Reibert - Freeform, Reibert Week 2018, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Spooning, Top Bertolt Hoover, but there was supposed to be a plot, canonverse, ish, warmth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 02:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15475875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thenerdintheattic/pseuds/Thenerdintheattic
Summary: Reiner is cold, Bertholdt warms him up. Set after the Snowy Mountains plot.Fifth Day of ReiBert Week 2018 - Warmth





	La Petite Mort

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't supposed to be smut, really. It was supposed to be cuddling and kissing and fluff and just Bertholdt being Reiner's personal heater but somehow it turned into that. It was quite a challenge to write, I'm not very comfortable with writing smut because I think I kind of lack the necessary vocabulary to write it decently. Also, it wasn't supposed to get angsty but apparently, I can't control myself. Anyway, I hope it turned out good. Enjoy!

“Reiner? Everything ok?”

Nope.

Everything is not ok. Everything is far from ok. And Bertholdt's sleepy voice doesn't make things any better because Reiner's tired, he's freezing cold, he's annoyed, and being reminded that his friend can sleep pretty much anywhere and in any situations is infuriating.

Everybody went to bed late, they were all too worried for Chrysta and Ymir and Daz, lost in the snow storm but now, everyone is back safely to the cabin and they all can get some sleep before they head back to Trost in the morning. Reiner would love to rest, really, he would love to be asleep, like the others. At this point, he could even do with the nightmares about his father but it seems that their instructors are not familiar with the notion of minimal heating. The warmth from the fire that had been lit in the main room earlier that night doesn't reach the boys' room and they all had to resort to sleep with their clothes on not to freeze to death. Except for Bertholdt of course who had removed his warm clothes and who even has the luxury to sleep with his arms and one of his leg out of the blanket. _Show off_ , Reiner cannot help thinking bitterly. As his teeth are chattering, Reiner hates him a little bit. And he hates him even more because Bertholdt has been the one to choose the bunk next to the window and this place is so badly isolated that Reiner can actually feel gusts of cold wind coming from there.

Yeah, brilliant idea Bertl.

Reiner realises that he should give some kind of answer – somehow Bertholdt's worry tends to rocket when he's involved – and he grunts in response. That seems to finish to wake Bertholdt up because he moves closer.

“Are you still cold?”

Yes, Bertholdt, well done for your insight. Of course, he's cold. He had hoped that the bed would warm up at least a bit with his body temperature but no. It's still as freezing as when he'd joined it and Reiner starts to think he'll lose a couple of toes to the cold. Well, it's not like they're not going to grow back but it doesn't mean he doesn't have any rights to be mad about it.

He sighs. He shouldn't be angry at his friend. He nods in response, but he's not sure that Bertholdt notices because he's shivering so much that his gesture may have been confused with shaking.

“I'm sorry,” Bertholdt whispers as he kills the distance between them and wraps himself around his friend in a warm embrace.

Reiner sinks a bit more against his friend's chest and cannot help a moan of pleasure to escape from his throat. After hours of shaking like a lonely leaf on a naked tree at the worst of December, this feels like heaven. He feels Bertholdt kiss him repeatedly on the top of the head, something that he usually does when he wants to be forgiven. It usually happens in the evening, when Reiner is mad at him for not siding with him against Annie. Reiner thinks of telling him to stop, Bertholdt doesn't need to seek forgiveness but he thinks better of it. He likes when Bertholdt kisses him like that, he likes to feel his breath on his forehead and his lips on his scalp. Maybe it's a bit selfish. 

When he feels warm enough, he moves away, only to be able to embrace his friend back. They tangle their legs together as Reiner puts a soft kiss on his the tall boy's chin. It's too dark for him to actually see it, but he knows that Bertholdt is blushing. Bertholdt's face always turns pink when he's kissed, a phenomenon that never ceases to amaze Reiner. They've been doing the kissing stuff – and more – for a while now, Bertholdt should be used to it but it's like he's always surprised that something so nice is actually happening to him and Reiner hasn't decided yet if it's cute or stupid. Probably a bit of both.

“Better?”

Reiner pouts. Yes, it is better – anything would be better than freezing to death in his bed – but he can still feel a chill travel down his back. Bertholdt is hot and would surely warm him up in no time under other circumstances but apparently, the cold hasn't said its last word yet. As Reiner remains silent, Bertholdt takes his friend's hands in his and frowns upon discovering they're still cold. A smile stretches his lips and the next thing he knows, Reiner is lying down on his back again, Bertholdt riding him. He blinks to show his confusion, unsure how that happened so fast.

As he feels a comfortable weight on his waist, Reiner takes a moment to remind himself how handsome his friend is. Even before developing romantic feelings for him, he would have never said that Bertholdt was ugly. He was fine. When he had grown, so much so fast, Reiner had started to feed some kind of admiration for the tall yet gracious body. He had thought at the time that, yeah, Bertl was quite good looking for a guy. And he wasn't the only one thinking so, judging by the interested looks more and more girls had thrown at him. Bertholdt was oblivious of his looks and of the girls. He had no idea of the effect he had and Reiner hadn't thought much of it until he'd seen him half-naked in the shower, his firm body dripping in soap and water. It had been a shock when a warm sensation had awoken in his guts and he had had to disappear fast in the toilets to ease the pain between his legs. Reiner may doubt his emotional and moral abilities but he is quite proud of his body – muscular, solid, strong. He likes to believe that it's the reason why he's so sure of the kind of morphology he's attracted too. Tall dark-haired slender men. Or as he likes to call it, the Hoover type. Bertholdt is handsome, and even if Reiner weren't into guys, he's convinced that he would find him good-looking anyway, but he's also freaking gorgeous when he kisses him and when his hands slide underneath his clothes. Reiner cannot see him properly, the moonlight is too weak to allow him to perceive more than a shady figure but he's seen his friend in this situation enough times to know what he looks like. His face is surely looking goddamn serious as he is focused on stimulating Reiner, his black hair must be disheveled by his sleep and his eyes, turned dark by desire.

Despite all his clothes, Reiner feels Bertholdt grow harder. He himself doesn't stay insensitive when Bertholdt takes his right hand and caress its back with his fingers. Each stroke creates a ripple, curiously spreading from a spot behind his ear. He doesn't have the time to wonder about brain chemistry – although he does picture for a second little lighting bolts traveling between his neurons- because Bertholdt starts to lick his middle finger before putting it in his mouth in the most indecent manner. Reiner bits his lower lips. He could easily let go right now, just relax and let Bertholdt take care of him, he could moan just like he's dying to do because dear god this is too good! But he has to restrain himself and this has to be the most difficult thing he's ever done. He sure loves where this is going, just as much as he loves Bertholdt's daring personality in the bedroom, but they are not alone. They've never done it with the others asleep in the same room and Reiner's reason raises a little alarm in his head. This could be risky. Yet, when Bertholdt lets go of his finger and kisses the back of his hand, then his palm and finishes by the inside of his wrist where he lingers a bit to feel his pulse, Reiner's determination vanishes as he decides that he doesn't care about a bunch of stupid teenagers. He's always weak when Bertholdt is in charge. It had been a good surprise when they had first had sex – Bertholdt, usually so unassuming, had led him, telling him exactly what he wanted Reiner to do. He'd apparently spent a lot of time devising several scenarios in his mind before they had finally confessed their mutual attraction. He'd gotten better every time, more sensual and more daring, and Reiner was now used to have his mind blown by his friend's audacity. Doing it in public, or almost, was the next logical step.

Hands wander on exposed skin, mouths seal their desire in wet kisses, black and fair hairs meet and stick in sweat. A while later, Bertholdt licks the inside of Reiner's right ear with the tip of his tongue. The blond boy tries very hard not to moan as the muscle plays with one of his soft spots. He can hear his friend's breathing in his ear and the sound is muffled, almost surreal. It gets to him, intoxicates him with its irregularity and warmth. It's wet and it's alive. It's soft and it's comforting. Hearing this sound, Reiner feels closer to Bertholdt that he's ever been. They've had sex before, Reiner knows Bertholdt's body like the back of his hand, and yet have they ever been so intimate? The revelation hits him and he feels his body becomes weak and shaky. They're not having sex. They're making love. Reiner opens his eyes. Mutual attraction. That's how the whole thing had started. They had confessed to each other their wet dreams and solitary pleasure in the shower, doing it together had seemed like the best outcome. They're doing each other, like Reiner likes to think but they're still friends. Right? There's nothing else. It's mutual attraction. Not love. Definitely not love.

“Reiner?”

He opens his eyes to find his friend looking down at him. He can't really see his face but he knows he's worried.

“Yeah. Keep going.”

Not love.

They kiss. Not hearing Bertholdt's breathing in his ear comforts him. He can hear the regular although fast beating of his heart in his ears now and it takes his mind off his feelings for a moment. It's just Bertholdt and him now. It's all about sharing, giving and receiving. It's all about their two bodies tangled together. They forget about the cadets in the dorm, they forget about their secrets and the hole it has made in their hearts. Will they ever be able to function normally again? Reiner usually doubts it – he claims in front of Annie and Berthodlt that it will all be better when they get back home, but deep down he knows that some wounds will never heal. But at this moment, it doesn't matter. Reiner and Bertholdt are whole again.

When his friend starts kissing his ear again, Reiner feels a bit apprehensive. But Bertholdt doesn't linger on.

“Open your eyes.” Bertholdt's voice is no more than a whisper, and yet it carries this authority that Reiner has never heard outside of the bedroom. He obliges. “I'll go out for a minute. In the meantime, you'll remove all your clothes.”

Reiner would like to talk but Bertholdt gently takes his earlobe between his teeth. The pain of being bitten blends with the pleasure of feeling Bertholdt's weight on him. He scratches his friend's naked forearm. The sensation of his nails sinking into the hot flesh brings shivers down his spine. He feels alive. He's disappointed when Bertholdt rises and slides down their bunk gracefully. He watches him head towards the door and go out as quietly as a cat, already feeling half empty. Before doing as he has been told, Reiner listens carefully for any indication that someone might still be awake but all he can hear are regular breathing and even a faint snore. Good. Excitedly, he removes his clothes, which actually takes him a while considering he's wearing several layers. He can feel the draft from the window on his bare skin and the biting cold almost burns. He can't remember what it is to be cold, the memory has slid far away from his mind. Bertholdt always has this effect on him – he's not sure if it's because his friend has a body temperature higher than normal or if it's because Bertholdt arouses him so much that it feels like his body is on fire. He cannot help a smile – Bertholdt surely knows how to take care of him.

Hardly a minute after Reiner has finished stripping, Bertholdt comes back with a small jar of medicinal oil, used before to soothe Daz's frostbites. It doesn't take him long to remove his t-shirt and pajama pants and to join Reiner in bed and when he does, he leans on one elbow on top of him, careful to use the blanket to hide their bare bodies. It takes Reiner a moment to reach that moment of complete abandon he's felt just before. But when Bertholdt takes him in his hand, he can picture again these little lightning bolts traveling in his brain. The touch is soft and, at first, Bertholdt settles for stroking him with the back of his hand. It leaves Reiner with a wish for more because he's all hard again and Bertholdt is just torturing him. When he starts massaging him, Reiner closes his eyes and allow himself to get lost in the maelstrom of emotion his friend his creating inside his body. His desire reaches a new maximum, frustration for more and pleasure born between his legs bring a new taste at the back of his mouth. It feels a bit metallic on his tongue, like blood but somehow different. At first, it's very faint but as Bertholdt's hand moves up and down faster and faster, it gets stronger and soon Reiner feels his tongue become numb. The jerk from his own hips surprises him and it's Bertholdt's signal to stop what he's doing.

“What do you want now, Reiner?” he whispers.

Reiner grabs him by the hair and pushes his friend's face close to his so he can kiss him. Bertholdt usually doesn't give him a say in the foreplays, unless Reiner insists, but he always asks Reiner what he wants for the main dish.

“I want you inside me.”

Bertholdt nods approvingly. He proceeds to kiss him on the cheek, on the neck, back to his ear.

“Turn on your side.” Reiner starts to move to face him, but Bertholdt interrupts him. “No. The other way.”

Reiner does as he's told. He trusts Bertholdt, blindly, even though he doesn't say it enough. Actually, he doesn't say at all. He makes a mental note. The kisses and caresses on his shoulders and his neck send tremors in all his body. He's ready, he needs to feel his friend inside of him, he needs to release this sexual energy he's built up or he's going to explode. The lower part of his body contracts when Bertholdt inserts a cold, sticky finger. His fists close on the edge of the blanket but as the digit makes its way up and another one joins it, he relaxes progressively. Him starting to moan is the signal for Bertholdt that he's ready. The fingers go away and soon, Bertholdt is inside him. It's painful, more than having his earlobe bitten. He remembers being unable to breathe the first time it had happened and almost crying like a damn child. Bertholdt had stopped at once, naturally, and with more preparation and a lot of patience, they had managed to both have a good time. Reiner bits his lower lip. Somehow, the pain – different, unexpected, flashing – distracts his brain from what is happening down so when Bertholdt starts moving, the pain is bearable. He knows it's not going to last. Soon, his body will get accustomed to the presence inside of him and as his friend will go faster and faster, pleasure will rise between his legs. It has already started.

He's wet. When he had begun to imagine having sex, first with random and faceless girls, then with Bertholdt, he had never thought it would get so messy. And smelly. The odour of their sweat blends with the smell of sex and oil. Reiner feels his hair dripping – it's hot, so hot – and Bertholdt's saliva on his neck as he's savagely kissing him. So hot. The smells and warmth and pleasure spreading in all his body make him dizzy. He wants to moan but some part of his brain remains conscious of their situation and he finds the courage to grab his pillow and bites it because this is different from anything he has experienced before. Having sex with Bertholdt is great and always leaves him panting. Making love to Bertholdt – or rather having Bertholdt make love to him - is like burning. He doesn't see him but he doubts it matters: his eyes are shut anyway, even if they were facing each other it wouldn't make a difference. But their bodies are almost sinking into the other, melting because of the heat, becoming one. Reiner cannot feel his toes and fingers anymore. It has started with a tingling sensation in his extremities, now it has spread to his whole body engulfing him in a bubble of pleasure. His senses shut down one after the other and for a second, he thinks he's going to turn into the armoured titan right there, right now, but instead, he comes into Bertholdt's hand seconds before his body turns numb.

He doesn't know how many seconds pass before he regains control of his senses, but it comes back slowly. When it does, Bertholdt is still spooning him but he's not inside him anymore. The first thing he hears is his irregular breathing. The first thing he smells is his sweat. The sensation in his body come back too although it still feels numb. He brings one of his hand close to his face and opens and closes his fist several times to make sure that his body is still responding to his brain. Reassured, he leans back against Bertholdt to hear him sigh contently. He doesn't know how it was for Bertl, but it definitely has reached a whole new level for him here.

“Reiner? You okay?”

“Yeah. I'm good. But it was weird.”

“How weird?” Bertholdt's breath on his neck is actually tickling but he doesn't say anything.

“I don't know. I had this tingling feeling – like I had had an electric shock. A bit like when we transform but then, we just feel the power of the titan, its strength. Here it was … I don't know how to describe it. But it was great. Like I was dying from pleasure.”

Bertholdt actually laughs softly at this point and Reiner pouts, although he's perfectly aware that his friend cannot see him.

“La petite mort.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The little death. It's an orgasm that feels so good you actually have the impression of dying. I read about it in a book but I never thought it was legit.”

Reiner briefly wonders what kind of books Bertholdt gets his hands on before deciding that it's not the right moment to ask him.

“Well... if dying actually feels like anything close to that, sign me up right now.”

Bertholdt kisses him in the neck and holds him a little tighter against his chest.

“I don't think death is that poetic. I think it's sad and lonely and painful. At least it will be for us.”

Reiner breaks the embrace and turns towards his friend. With his fingers, he brushes his cheek and smiles at him.

“Hey Bertl, it won't be any of that, I promise. We'll die together, either in battle or at home. It doesn't matter as long as we are together.”

Bertholdt's smile is sad but it's easier for Reiner to pretend that it just doesn't exist. Bertholdt knows that, just like he knows that he'll die alone. But it's not the time to bother Reiner with that. It won't ever be. It's better to change the subject.

“So, are you still cold?”

“No, I think you've warmed me up for the whole winter now.” Reiner laughs. But it's short-lived. He can feel his tiredness come back, more aggressively than before and cannot help a yawn. He has no idea as to what time it might be but he's quite sure that there isn't much time left before they have to get up. Maybe two hours, at best. He knows he should sleep but there is still something on his mind. He realises it's been there for some time now, probably even before they had started sleeping together, but he had been too afraid to accept it. And there's no lying to himself, it's still difficult to embrace, but in the end, he realises it's not going to change anything between them.

He kisses Bertholdt softly on the lips and gazes into his eyes. He's quite conscious that it's rather cheesy but he strangely doesn't mind.

“I love you.”

There it is. Bertholdt smiles in response. Reiner wants to say more. Now that he has started, he wants to tell him everything that passes through his mind: _I love you so much it hurts because I'm so afraid to lose you, Bertl, that I could just crawl into a hole a stay there forever._ He remains silent, though. There's no need to speak, Bertholdt knows. Just like he knows that this is between them and that as soon as they become Reiner and Bertholdt, Cadets of the 104th again, Reiner will treat him like shit. It hurts. But it's their reality, their punishment and they both take comfort in the fact that these stolen moments are their paradise.

**Author's Note:**

> I will protect top!Bertl with my life. 
> 
> I have this headcanon that Bertholdt is totally in charge when it comes to sex. He doesn't put himself forward and takes initiative in any other situations because it's a lot of pressure and he prefers to rely on Reiner and Annie to make the big decisions. But in the bedroom, it's only Reiner and him, and he knows Reiner so well that he doesn't have this kind of pressure, he can be more outgoing because he isn't afraid to fail anyone or to be judged for everything he says or does.  
> Besides, it suits Reiner because when he's with Bertholdt he doesn't have to imitate Marcel anymore and to be the big brother, he can just be loser!Reiner and that's kind of refreshing.


End file.
